In the US we live in a world of perceived automatic entitlement, with folks concentrating on some sort of hand out instead of working to reach their dreams and goals.

And when they don’t get what they want, they whine and complain. Comedians are no exception.

I had some goober visit this blog and start complaining about how he can’t get comedy club gigs, how he can’t get butts in the seats to his self-promoted shows and how advertising costs too much.

And I must say, my response was less than favorable.

If you have followed me anytime at all, you know that I am NOT a fan of standing in line at comedy clubs to get stage time or work. I developed my stand-up routine completely outside the comedy club scene in the beginning.

Ironically, being able to kill an audience when coming “out of the woodwork” actually opened comedy club doors for me.

You should also know that comedy clubs represent the lowest for of life when it comes to pay for comedians. Still, comedians stand in line at the doors comedy clubs like lemmings, waiting for their “big comedy break”.

I have promoted many, many comedy shows during my active stand-up career. And let me be the first to tell anyone, right to their face…

If your stand-up comedy show is comprised of open mikers who couldn’t find funny with a 50 man working party, your show is doomed from the start.

“Boo hoo hoo – I don’t have the money to advertise or promote my stand-up comedy show.”

ATTENTION ALL COMEDIANS: Stand-up comedy is a BUSINESS — show business to be exact. It is the BUSINESS that fuels the stand-up comedy, not the other way around. It takes money to make money. Surprise!

If you are broke, then have two choices: be creative on your promotion or gather the funds needed to promote your business. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

For the relatively few comedians who actually do have a killer stand-up act: what are you doing to build your online fan base? You can do that online with a super minimal budget at first and grow it big (ask Dane Cook for details). That’s why I set-up my other blog.

But what do I hear? “Oh, that’s hard. I can’t do that.” The underlying message is actually this:

“I don’t want to do that. I just want to be funny, get discovered and have the TV helicopter whisk me off to fame and fortune with minimal effort.”

If any of this applies to you, stay off my blog and my websites. When I was developing my own stand-up comedy career:

• I had my full timejob in the US Navy
• I taught 2-3 comedy traffic school classes per week (8 hours per class)
• I was going to school for a Master’s degree
• I was doing 3-5 paid comedy gigs per month, along with a ton of free gigs
• I had a wife and three children to care for

Everybody wants to be a star. But very few are willing to do the work or pay the price needed to become one. Even fewer are willing to work to develop their stand-up comedy skills to a high level.

HINT: Having a mouth and two thumbs does NOT make a person funny or even trainable, no matter what the “name” stand-up comedy teachers say to part money from unfunny people.

So if you want to whine and complain about your stand-up comedy adventures, best go somewhere else. The Prof is severely allergic to that BS.

Raging against stand-up comedy incompetence,
Steve Roye
The Professor of Funny for Money

About the Author/Founder of The Stand-up Comedy Professional

Steve Roye is the author of the Killer Stand-up Comedy System and author of the content made available in the Comedy Pro Membership Program available on this site.

Over the past decade, Steve has established himself as a leading, globally recognized expert in the field of stand-up comedy material development, delivery and entertainment business strategies for comedy entertainers as well as speaking professionals.

For more information about Steve, please check out the About The Author section on this site.

Article Update: See the end of this post.

You know, I have put up with a ton of crap from Traci Skene at Shecky Magazine for awhile now.

She has lamely attempted to ridicule me, ridicule my software and accuse me of being sexist, in spite of her blatantly racist remarks on her blog about people across the globe using my Comedy Evaluator Pro software for performance improvement.

But make no mistake—I am not sexist. I firmly believe that absolute stupidity is not gender specific.

So let’s cut to the chase, Ms. Skene. I want to give you the opportunity to show the world just how smart you really are about stand-up comedy and prove me to be the fool that you think I am–and have been so bold as to share with your readers.

Fair enough?

Here’s what I propose…

As opposed to you hiding behind your snide comments about me and my Comedy Evaluator Pro software on your blog, away from where any real action can happen…

Let’s get on a conference call where I can invite my peeps and you can invite yours to see who really knows their stuff about stand-up comedy.

Not only that, I’ll make it really easy for you…

I will let you be the aggressor. You can initiate all the questions first.

Give me an intro with all your great accomplishments and I will introduce you respectfully and with dignity.

But let me warn you in advance…

I’m not Judy Carter, Greg Dean or Sandy Shore. The first time that stupidity utters from your pie hole about stand-up comedy, I will eat you alive without hesitation. I will ask questions you could not possibly answer about the art form that I know down to the syllable and you WILL be exposed as a total fool.

Do you want to drag Brian McKim in on the action? I actually owe him an apology for my previous blog post because he’s funny. But if he supports your BS, well hey, bring some back up.

I will be more than happy to take you BOTH on. Equal opportunity and all…

Let me give you some reference material you may want to look at about me before you decide to jump into the lion’s den:

I was a Navy Senior Chief who was stationed in a war zone and shot at. I’m also a career educator who has ALWAYS been at the top of the education and training game.

Oh, did I mention I have a bit of an education too?

Here’s my “non-comedy” resume:

Professional Resume

Here’s my comedy resume (all entries are accurate):

Comedy Resume

If you are looking for a noteworthy Southern California reference concerning my own comedy skills, best contact Gary Folgner, owner of the Coach House in San Juan Capistrano and the Galaxy Concert Theater in Santa Ana, both large venues of which I have headlined numerous times:

http://www.thecoachhouse.com/

http://www.galaxytheatre.com/

Oh, and you may want to contact Jordan Brady at Uber Content—the production company owner who produced the documentary that I am featured in specifically regarding Comedy Evaluator Pro:

http://www.ubercontent.com/

Now, if you have any spine at all and can back up the less-than-intelligent comments that you have offered the world on the “renowned” Shecky Magazine about me and my software…

You will take me up on my challenge, contact me and we can schedule a phone conference event where you get to show your REAL knowledge about stand-up comedy. It’s your chance to shine!

What I am more inclined to predict is that you will disregard this challenge and write more bêtise vile about me and my software on your blog.

That’s called a LOSER where I come from.

No biggy. But know this…

As of right now, until you can stand up to me in a public forum–on the phone or live in person, you are little more than something the toilet overflowed.

The ball is now in your court. Put up or shut up. The bullshit flag has now been officially raised.

I await your response and acceptance to my conference call challenge, on the date and time of your choosing.

UPDATE: As I predicted, the folks at Skanky Magazine didn’t have the BALLS to accept my phone conference challenge and opted instead to copy this blog post and call me a douche bag on their blog  — how original. Sorry Skanky, but I only deal with grown-ups when it comes to stand-up comedy.

Cheers,
Steve Roye
The Professor of Funny for Money

About the Author/Founder of The Stand-up Comedy Professional

Steve Roye is the author of the Killer Stand-up Comedy System and author of the content made available in the Comedy Pro Membership Program available on this site.

Over the past decade, Steve has established himself as a leading, globally recognized expert in the field of stand-up comedy material development, delivery and entertainment business strategies for comedy entertainers as well as speaking professionals.

For more information about Steve, please check out the About The Author section on this site.